It's Not That I'm Lazy; It's That I Just Don't Care

I attended a “Top 50” management meeting this week (the fact that I actually don’t manage anyone is I guess a moot point). The meeting was held CEE (Central / Eastern European)-style, meaning we spent three days in an isolated castle in Bohemia. Because the company is suffering from poor morale due to the recent restructuring and “headcount reductions,” we spent half of Thursday discussing and brainstorming solutions to address key areas of employee discontent.

Employee issues seemed to boil down to lack of communication. Lack of communication between top and middle management. Lack of communication between middle management and “the bottom.” Lack of communication among the country business units.

(How can you hear the terms “middle” or “top management” and not think of Office Space…I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.)

I will not bore you with specifics because frankly I am sick of the topic and do not want to get fired if someone from work reads my blog. But I did think it was interesting that the consultant hired to run the session encouraged that all communication be done using “offshore English.” The consultant defined offshore English as “language devoid of slang, idioms, sarcasm or humor.” Basically it is like reading the Dartmouth Review.

Upon moving to Hungary, I quickly learned sarcasm is not easily translatable. This is a typical conversation I used to have.

Me: Hi, my name is Alex Bochicchio.
Co-worker: You have a boy’s name! Hello, I am Gabor.
Me: It’s nice to meet you. What nice weather we are having! (Weather is my default topic. If I start talking to you about the weather, chances are we have nothing to talk about.)
Co-worker: Yes. Your name is so long with so many letters.
Me: Yes it is! It took me years to learn how to spell it.
Co-worker: You do not know how to spell your name?

So I understand that standardized English should be used in a workplace with mostly non-native English speakers. But that is no fun because it is difficult to express your personality using sterilized language.

I have been frustrated with my lack of and superficial relationships with coworkers and perhaps this is why. In the US, I often communicated through subtle sarcasm (although honestly often I was the only one who was amused), and I cannot do that here. I subconsciously translate my thoughts into sentences which can be communicated to non-native speakers or I run the risk of being misunderstood or appearing unable to spell my name.

And I am the native English speaker. I am sure my communications problems pale in comparison to non-native speakers.

No wonder Europeans believe so strongly in the social lubrication known as alcohol.