Happiness Is Not a Fish You Can Catch

(Blog title courtesy of my high school obsession with Our Lady Peace.)

I was re-linking a mammoth spreadsheet this afternoon when my co-worker Geza asked me out of the blue if I thought Hungarians were happy. Little did he know he had broached one of my favorite conversation topics. Trying not to offend my Hungarian co-workers, I diplomatically answered that although Hungarians consistently rank at the bottom in terms of “happiness” measures, I found people here to be quite kind and helpful, and I am sure the scowling faces on the street are just facades.

Geza considered this. “If you ask an American how he is doing, he usually will tell you ‘fine’ or ‘OK.’ But if you ask a Hungarian how he is doing, he will tell you ‘shitty’ or that he has a ‘big pain in the head.’”

I agreed with this. I would have to be close to my deathbed to tell someone that, “Eh, no actually I am not doing too well today. My newfound love of Hungarian food is making it difficult to fit into my I-used-to-go-to-the-gym-before-work clothes, my neighbor yelled at me for ten minutes for parking too close to his car, I didn’t understand one word of the conversation at lunch, and the girl to whom I feel closest at work just told me she is leaving the company.” That being said, it does seem that Hungarians listen to and care about your responses to questions. In the United States, I believe that people (including myself) often ask a question out of politeness and are annoyed if they do not receive a one-word, agreeable answer.

“And if you think positively and talk positively, you become positive,” Geza continued. “Hungarians do not do this.”

Last Friday, I met a positivity psychologist (did you know you can get your PhD in that? I didn’t have the nerve to ask him where) who specifically moved to Budapest because he felt the city had a need for his services.

My co-worker Adrienn was listening. She recently went on vacation in Spain, a country renowned for its ebullient and “happy” inhabitants. However, Adrienn was disappointed that the locals were not friendly and made it a point to talk to her in Spanish even after they realized she didn't speak the language (she speaks about five other languages btw).

Her point was that even if a population is considered “happy” by the usual definitions, they may not be kind to others. And isn’t the true test of happiness the ability and desire to care genuinely about others?

Hungarians seem to possess part of the happiness puzzle – they are kind to and have empathy for others. But they are lacking the positivity gene that allows them to be happy themselves. When I asked Adrienn, Geza and others why that might be, they replied that it is just the “Hungarian mentality.” I was sort of joking in an old post that Hungarian depression was caused by years of communist rule. However, perhaps it is true that multiple generations of oppression by third parties - the monarchy, Germans and Russians - created a defeatist, passive “Hungarian mentality” which is outlasting the oppressors.

I always joke that Hungarians are drunk on emoticons. You can find the most masculine, conservative businessman on the street and be sure that he just used “:)” multiple times in an email. But perhaps the excessive use of emoticons is just the Hungarian attempt to “think positively and talk positively” in the digital age. If Geza’s observation that positive actions lead to positive feelings is correct, Hungarians may be combating pessimism one emoticon at a time.

This theory however still does not explain the overuse of “;-P.”